Home or Hospital? Holding the Space for Human Birth: Saraswathi Vedam at...

Autumn Leaves Cover done by my classmate Tina

This song. That voice.
I like jazz music. Occasionally there comes an artist that has a voice that moves me.
This song done by this woman? Makes me LOVE soulful jazz.
Thank you Tina for sharing the beauty that is your soul.



http://www.youtube.com/v/xQqHLF6JgZo?version=3&autohide=1&feature=share&autoplay=1&autohide=1&attribution_tag=LE5GB-P4eAO15-6ETj10Pw&showinfo=1

Don't Be That Prego Girl

Mama Birth: The Husband Stitch

Mama Birth: The Husband Stitch: The husband stitch is an "extra" stitch in the perenium after a woman gives birth and either tears or is cut (episiotomy).  The extra stitch is designed to make the vagina tighter and please her partner, thus the name, "the husband stitch".  

Some say that the husband stitch is a myth, but sadly it isn't.  Many women have had the ugly privilege of living it, and can tell you without a doubt that it is, in fact, real.    

Because the husband stitch is something rarely talked about but still done on a fairly regular basis, I want to share some basic information and quotes from real women who have experienced this and the aftermath.  Women should at the very least have the option of informed consent before someone tries to improve their vagina and sex life.  (Sometimes care providers ask a woman or her partner if she would like to be "tighter" down there before doing it.  Other women are not told this is being done to them.)

The husband stitch is meant to tighten up the vagina by stitching the vaginal opening smaller than it was before giving birth.  Women are often told that it will feel like she is a virgin again and will be nice for her partner.  I think it is safe to say that many women fear being too "loose" after having a baby so the idea can sound appealing.

In reality the husband stitch is far from fun or pleasurable for anybody involved.  First of all, stitching the outside of the vagina tighter only makes that opening tighter.  It does not make the inside, or the vaginal barrel tighter. 

What are common side effects of a the husband stitch?  Namely women report that sex is painful (often until they have another baby and are repaired properly afterwards or have sought extensive physical therapy with someone specializing in female health).  Rather than making anything better for the partner, it can be very harmful to the sex life since women are often fearful of making love at all because of the pain involved.  


Here are some quotes from women about their experiences with the husband stitch.

"I wasn't right til my second baby stretched me back to normal, I decided that OB's who attempt that stitch have no idea how vagina's work, tightening the skin does not tighten the vagina...

No nothing about the stitching was explained except that I had been "laced back up," but it was very clear that too much skin had been stitched back together. Three days postpartum some of my stitches pulled, most excruciating pain in my life. At my 6 week check up I still wasn't healed but was told "I looked great considering..." Not comforting!!! Sex was impossible for 3 months, bearable by 6... most women think having a baby will ruin you, but having another baby fixed me. It's possible this was a mistake, but if you don't let anyone cut you there's no room for mistakes or any extra stitch work. 
 
My poor husband was always so worried about hurting me... Husband stitches hurt husbands too."


 "I got a hubby stitch, it was not right till next baby lots of lube creative positioning, never too fast (jerk doctor) I seriously had a pleat in my perineum.
Yeah it was terrible, forceps giant epsiotomy but doc said no worries it will be "better" than before... what the? I was clueless.  

I had a a mediolateral episiotomy (I suspect second degree) with a forceps delivery no idea if necessary because I only pushed on my own for about 15 mins. Then it felt like he brought my perineum back completely over each other so that I had some tissue that poked back into my vagina. Imagine a pleat in pencil skirt. Healing was bearable but sex in the traditional missionary position was not comfortable I almost had to be on top and angled forward far and sex had to be slow or it would give me small cuts at the scar, if that happened we couldn't have sex again for at least a week- so it always made sex sort of stressful with my husband asking a lot "is this ok". Mood. killer.  

My doc was old school too! I don't necessarily know my feelings about the term birth rape but I would not have agreed to how he altered my body, stitching skin over top of skin is not repairing - my perineum is not your canvas."

 "I was given the husband stitch.....my provider was a midwife (hospital birth). It was absolutely horrific. I was told nothing. First I was given an episiotomy that I didn't know about and then I was given the husband stitch without knowing about it. I found out about it way after the fact when I learned more and realized what had been done to me. 

Recovery seemingly took forever and I couldn't believe how much it hurt just to sit down. My husband and I couldn't have sex successfully without excruciating pain for months. I had no idea why. I would cry and cry and cry. I was a virgin when we got married and the husband stitch was WAY more difficult and painful than first-time-intercourse. (And for me, the first time was a challenge...) I vaguely recall her saying during my birth "And we're just going to get the baby out a little faster." Then she cut me. (I didn't know this, my husband told me later. He saw it happen all too fast to stop.) When she did the husband stitch she said, "And this one is just for your husband." At the time I had no idea what she was talking about. Like I said.... I figured it all out in retrospect. 

My husband said that he found no pleasure in 'the husband stitch' and it did absolutely nothing for him."

"I didn't know I was getting one as part of a third degree tear repair, I only found out months later when I was being investigated for painful sex, amongst other things. I don't know why anyone would ever choose to have one. It has ruined our sex life. "

 " I had it done to me. My daughter was born 28 yrs ago at U of M. I was 18 and had never even seen the man catching my baby because that's the way it worked at that time. He was rude and completely disrespectful. My daughter had slid completely back up and he pulled her out with forceps causing such bad tearing it took 3 hrs to repair. When he finished, he stood, started towards the door while snapping off the gloves and said he did my husband a favor. I found out from the nurse what that meant. I could only have sex in one way otherwise it was excruciating and even that one way was uncomfortable. It wasn't until the birth of my second child that it was remedied."

"I had an episiotomy with my first baby (that I didn't consent to....the doctor just did it and informed me AS she was doing it). Then after, she sewed me up too tight. Sex hurt for 6 months afterward. At first it was so excruciating we couldn't even do it. I was in tears every time we tried for a couple of months. When I went in for my check-up, I told the doctor about it (a different doctor), and he said, "Well then let's stretch you out a bit." as he cranked on the speculum to make it bigger. (It was inside of me at the time and was already painful. That's why I brought it up with him.) I almost passed out from the pain."


Childbirth can be hard. Sometimes women are changed, sometimes even permanently physically damaged in the most natural and supported birth.  I think that is a fact and something we can all agree on and share stories about.  

The practice of the husband stitch however is something different entirely.  Women should never be hurt like this by a care provider.  Care providers need to know the damage this kind of thing (a husband stitch or simply an unnecessary or poorly repaired episiotomy) causes-  and not just physically.  This is painful emotionally, mentally, and difficult for a relationship.  

It is infuriating that women and their bodies are being treated this way.  I hope that this practice is on its way to obscurity.  That the husband stitch is still being performed with that much regularity is shame and should be considered a source of guilt for the entire profession of obstetrics.

(I would like to believe that the husband stitch is rarely done, or is a relic of the past.  Sadly, the quotes were gathered on my Facebook page late at night and were received within less than an hour.  Most were from young women who birthed recently.  The husband stitch is still a part of obstetric (and sometimes midwifery) care.)

Iron Infusions

Tomorrow I will be going in for my first IV Iron infusion.
I haven't been told if I'll be getting more than one. I don't know how much I'm getting. I don't know how it's done. I don't know anything.

So I googled that shit.
I found this wonderful blog http://www.squidoo.com/intravenous-iron-infusion-and-me
It scared the shit out of me.Yet it's awesome.

I'll try to post tomorrow about how it went.
This was going to be a nice long blog about it all, but I'm finding my nerves are taking over.

I just shot myself in the ass.

• 
  

  So as many of you know I've had this medical issue going on for the last year.
   It's taken a good year! but I'm finally seeing a Hematologist about it
  (YAY Canadian medical!) 
  It's been a mentally and physically challenging year. I've had some major ups and downs while dealing with one medical person after another telling me i'm dying.  I've gained 30 more pounds. I hate my body. Life's been the shits.  And yet.
  And YET!
  
   I love my life! I live in a wonderful home with tons of land. I have chickens and dogs. My beautiful spouse (who keeps me alive!) and  1.5 grandbabies (Due in Aug!)
  
    OH MAN! Grandbabies! They are Gods gift aren't they? I just love them.
  The point is. I plan on living. I have 2 boys that need to make me a grandma! Can't leave it all to my daughter =-)
  
  
  

  
  

  So one of the things I now do to work on my blood is B12 injections.
   EASY PEASY we all say!
   Right? Am I Right?
  NOT.
  

  

  
  

  I am terrified of needles. I mean so terrified you just don't understand.
   I'm that fool that passes out.
  Last week was my first injection. My husband gave it to me. I cried like a little bitch for like 7 min before he could jab that sucker in my ass!
  I didn't feel a thing. I'm a pansy. 

  No it's ok. I admit it and I'm ok with it.
  Hi.. My name is Emily and I'm a pansy.

  
  

  So that brings us to today!   And this is how it went down:

  
  

  
  

  Since yesterday I've been feeling low , depressed and run down again. The B12 crash!  Good times good times. But I'm doing all I can. I have a month (less now) to get my blood lvls up or I get stuck in the 'pital for IV Iron transfusion.  OH GOOD TIMES!!!
  
  So this morning I thought to myself "Self! maybe you should take the B12 shot. Hmmm maybe not. Bill isn't here to do it. 

  Aww I can do it myself!
   *grabs a new needle*
   WTF this is HUGE ( 3ml 25.5 gage, it's MUCH bigger than the 1ml)   I mean like 10 feet longer!  And thicker!  No seriously!

  See, this is the one I had last week

  

  It's small.  The needle part is short! 1ml/ 27.5 gauge! SMALL
  
  The other one .. the 3 mil?  It SAYS it's 25.5 gauge.  BULL SHIT!  I'm positive it was a 16! (Because of course I know these things!) It might have even been an 8.
  
  I tell you it looked like this

  

  The more I looked at it the more it started to look like THIS!  Yeah I'm not exaggerating here!

  

  
  

  
  

  
  I start to stress. Stress bad.
  Look in bag. Ahhh another 1ml! I'm ok. 
• 
  

  I fill syringe. Wander the house for 10 min. Do my dishes. Come back. FINE I CAN DO THIS.   /whispers  I can do this
  
  
  Put needle to my ass. or I think my ass. could be my hip. I'm already tearing so who knows. look in mirror.
  Nope it's not even in! Oh right. I have to PUSH IT.

  
  

  Push needle in. wait for pain. there is none.
   YAY FUCK YEAH! 
  *does the Jennifer Lawrence face from "we saw your boobs"*

  

  Push in b12.
  
  
   Feel a twinge half way.
  
   stop. 
  
  keep going. 
  
  DONE.
  
  
   Again with the Jenn face!

  

  
  

  
  

  Clean up syringe. Look at dogs... Then it starts.  

  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  I turn into THIS

  
  

  

  
  
• 
  
  

  
  

  Was there air in the syringe?
  Did I get it in my muscle?
   what if I missed the muscle? (come on.. I was having a freak out!)
  what if I didnt do it right?
  What if the B12 causes a blood clot to come free (I read up on B12 like a dumbass) 
  
  WHAT IF I DIE?
  
  
  

  Then... my leg warms up, 
  then it gets tense .. 
  hen my chest gets heavy. 
  then.... my neck and face get hot. I mean really hot.

  Yup I'm fucking dying. I have a blood clot. and I'm gonna die. 

  NO wait.. 

  it's an air bubble. I'm dying. can't breathe.

   Tears happening...
  I'm shaking!  snot...  EW Snot!
  Gotta get out of the bathroom so when I die I don't fall hit the toilet and kill myself!
  
  FUCK JENNIFER .

  I walk around in circles for a good 15 min waiting to die. nothing happens. I feel slightly let down.
   my left side feels odd... but, I'm ok. 

  Message Brittany tell her Im freaking out. Yup. Im a dumbass.

  Wait...

  

  
  

  Turns out it was just another panic attack!
  
  I feel like I've fallen over. /facepalm. 

  Am I feeling better??  HECK YEAH!  Time to blog this shit!

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

  
  

  
  

  Well. Heres to next week! When I shoot myself in the ass again~!