I have a yoga mat!

My husband, God bless him. Bought me this yoga kit. It has a mat, a block (I don't know what the block is for to be honest), these 5 lb pink balls, a stretchy band and some other stuff I can't remember!

It's so cool! I now have to start using it!

Things are moving forward in my world. Nothing major. Nothing new.
I mean, I really don't have anything to report. I guess I'll just babble!

The biggest thing happening right now for me is 100% mental/emotional.
I'm learning to cry and let things go.
Sounds easy right? I mean.. come on ! how hard is it to cry?

When you are raised that crying is not something you do. It's hard.

Not only that, the people I've been with have used it as a sign of weakness.
I've always bottled things.
I'm learning not to! It's fun (not) There are moments when I cry and I have no idea why. There are times when i watch TV and something sets me off, OR when i am reading a book!

This morning I had a text convo with a girl that i haven't talked to in weeks. The pain she is feeling was overwhelming and I cried for her.
*sighs*
I know it's a good thing. It's cleansing and purifying. Like the rain!

The only thing on my mind lately is "friends". I'm having a really hard time with the loss of those I felt/thought were my friends.
I wonder if I just have a different view of what friends are.
It makes me homesick for the USA. I miss my American friends. I miss the get togethers! The trips to the waterslides, the Coopers rock trips. The bbqs the insanity.
I miss the fact that driving an hour wasn't a big deal.

I MISS YOU ALL MY BEAUTIFUL AMERICAN PEEPS!


Here in Canada I have only a few friends. I have lots of people around me, but only 2 that I call friend. One is a beautiful and amazing lady. She is helping me learn how to grow. I hope to have her in my life always. What is the most wonderful to me right now is that, she's there. Always there. She knows what is happening in my life and she's always there. If i msg her, or text her and even when i call. She always answers! I've NEVER had that before!  When I think about what a friend is, She is it.. with a capital B!

With everyone else, I feel disposable. When i'm needed they come looking, but if I need something they aren't there. They don't want to do anything.

So. I've stopped trying.  And this hurts my heart. I don't know how to feel about it all I just know I feel this constriction in my heart. It makes me lonely.

So .. this is me!

I am going to head outside and take my puppies for a walk!!
Get yo butts outside people!!