Unsettled.

I don't know why I'm suddenly feeling the effects of this War.

I guess that's not really the truth now is it. I do know why.


Yesterday we lost four more Canadians. In two separate IED explosions. The first one that happened early in the morning and in that platoon was my friend.
In December his platoon was on a basic IED search when they ran over an IED, in the explosion We lost Private Michael Freeman and my friend was hurt.

I don't know if he was one of the five injured in yesterdays explosion.
I do know that he has contacted his wife and she is happy.

Here we are, Lost four more.. and for what really? now my head is raising and I am wondering Why are we there? Why do we stay? and why is it, that now is suddenly why I'm wondering? I've followed the war, Just like everyone else, I've grieved for every Canadian and every American Lost! I've rolled with the punches, I've been proud of our Men and Women over there. I thank them daily for doing something I can't, or Won't, I'm still not sure. But because of them, and those before them, I am able to sit here and live my life. That is very humbling.

My son and his best friend just joined the reserves. Once they are finished highschool they are going active duty. Brian, my son's friend finishes highschool this year, but is dragging it out so they can join together.. What is the chances that this war will be over before my boys gets shipped out? Highly unlikely I know.
Pretty soon, It's going to be my boys that are off to this war.. I'm no less heartsick over anyone else's son joining, but suddenly I'm feeling the terror that everyone has been throwing at me.
From the moment Tim said "I am joining the reserves and going AD as soon as I can" I've been dealing with the backlash from other people.
There are not a lot of supportive people out there. They want me to convince Tim to not join.
I've always stood by my boys, I've always been proud of what they wants to do. My son, he WANTS to join the military, he WANTS to defend his Country and he wants to make a better life for the people over there.

Its only recently that I've started to be scared. And THAT is the hardest thing.

It's probably because time is moving past so quickly. Pretty soon my boys will be sworn in, Pretty soon my boys will be going away to boot camp, pretty soon I'll be attending their Boot camp Graduation, and crying like the proud mama I am, All the while snapping pictures of my handsome boys.
Pretty soon I'll be watching them fly away to a different country, a brown country. I'll send them photos of their green home, I'll send letters and updates,
With my son, I'll talk with his girlfriend and we'll swap tidbits on his life over there, so neither of us is missing anything.

and Pretty soon I'll be worrying daily if the next one is going to be one of my boys.

Pretty soon I'll be following the news,

pretty soon, I won't be saying.,. Pretty soon.

Because, I'll be there.